2013

so 2014 is here, she never knocked or warned us, she just barged in with champagne  in hand, obliviously drunk and said, "i'm HERE".. like an awkward teenager who just told a joke , that failed epically, leaving everyone with this blank , disgusted expression.

2013 was a year full of those awkward, heart breaking moments. while I sit here and look back, it probably changed some of my views on the human race entirely.

you learn to condition yourself towards people's attitude. you try your best to be there and BE the person you think they WANT you to be, the calm, collected ,the  wise one. while you loose little bit's of your voice. until you reach the point where you no longer can or want to speak.

i lost my first animal prematurely , after she suffered a stroke and died on my carpet.

 bought a new little peke boy, who we named Kimi Raikkonen  (if you fail to recognized  this name you are a retard and  i  choose not to be in your company ) and so a few weeks after kimi became part of the family, he drowned.

i have never felt sadness on such a level in my life. this intense, heartbreak that makes you scratch at your heart, because maybe if you scratch the hurt out , you can survive, maybe if you just hush this cold wind driving itself through the rooms of your heart , you can start to survive.

but 2013 wasn't all bad, i rediscovered the magical , yet complex bond that two sister's share.

how, no matter if we just fought over something completely ridiculous, whenever we need each other , it's just a phone call away.

i am blessed to have my parents share another year with me.

emotionally 2013 was a year that challenged beliefs, loyalty, friendships ,love and health.

childhood dreams was replaced with reality.

i was broken down to my core and build up again.

some battles you have lost and some you won, by the root of your nail, but you did it.

my wish for 2014 is , that it will be no different. that we will keep on learning, challenging and expecting. rather be adventurous and daring than a bottled up glass of water, add a bit of gin and tonic and a lemon , if you're brave.

but always be YOU.

i learned that obsession can be a dangerous thing, and that it can destroy you from the inside out like venom. you are not always responsible for how you feel, but you are responsible for how you act.  So apologize one more time, drink one more glass of good wine and buy the jean that's obscenely expensive, because you may not have the chance again. be there for someone, regardless of what they have done to you.

may 2014 bring you everything and nothing. God speed.