unseen images of world war II..
Friday, October 22, 2010
chow darling.
i can tell you what i do not feel like. i do not feel like a schoolgirl on a Sunday night. i feel like a schoolgirl on a Friday night and i know that i can sleep my ass of and not be bothered. aah the bliss of going home in 5 days. yep. FIVE. but as you know my over active brain has started to scare me. i am flying alone internationally? what if something goes a little haywire? with me you never know. i might end up insulting a Turkish government dishrag or a king- something like that..or what if i meet the man of my dreams? totally besides the point but there are so many "what ifs "' it's giving me a headache. can i not just skip all of this crap and teleport straight home? so when i open my eyes I'm just there? i wish life was that simple- but it's getting thought the hard stuff that moulds you into the character that you are.and it will probably provide me with some stories i can tell over a bottle of wine- or nine.being afraid and excited at the same time makes me want to throw up.
i have been away from home for 8 months now- and i have a deeper understanding of the love of my family and for the love of my country- doubt truth be a liar- but never doubt our love for one another-
i have already started packing my bags and going through all the memories. i will be sad yes- but i will not cry- i will miss each one- but i will not long to come back- and i will remember each kind word and each insult.
bitter sweet isn't it.. i will be spending my 23rd birthday at home - bring on the champers and new thoughts of wrinkles, getting old and having babies. the Turkish chapter is closed and finished now. thank you too everyone who made it painful and pleasantly funny-
"quote :remember i am from a hot country and my brain works slower"unquote
booosh (crazy eyes)
i have been away from home for 8 months now- and i have a deeper understanding of the love of my family and for the love of my country- doubt truth be a liar- but never doubt our love for one another-
i have already started packing my bags and going through all the memories. i will be sad yes- but i will not cry- i will miss each one- but i will not long to come back- and i will remember each kind word and each insult.
bitter sweet isn't it.. i will be spending my 23rd birthday at home - bring on the champers and new thoughts of wrinkles, getting old and having babies. the Turkish chapter is closed and finished now. thank you too everyone who made it painful and pleasantly funny-
"quote :remember i am from a hot country and my brain works slower"unquote
booosh (crazy eyes)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
licking the wounds.
i love phsycologically mental -insanity -makes -you-think- movies.think Girl interrupted.it also scares me much more than a guy with a mask running around chopping people into little macaroon pieces.. because in the end the biggest fear i have is my own mind turning on me. Alzheimer's, schizophrenic disorder, delusional disorders- the brain sabotage list goes on and on..so how do we cope and stay sane everyday? what is sanity then.your INsanity might be another persons sanity.
i have never been the most stable person - ask any guy i have dated,my family- i love throwing hairdryers into mirrors and challenging anything and everything. i can also turn very dark in the blink of an eye. but i am also not afraid of admitting it- on the road to recovery..as long as i keep the fire burning in my heart.if you cant handle the heat then get out of my discussions.
what got me on this subject once again was the movie shutter island. fearing of spoiling it for someone i wont go into detail but the big picture falls mearly on how remarkable your mind-your brain can be. at shutting things out and making you believe any story or fantasy you create..one line in the movie "trauma comes from the Greek word wound" made me sit up like an excited puppy spotting a piece of fancy new leather.
so if you are traumatized- you are wounded?so this is the way your mind copes-by closing it in a file and healing the open wound, much like a smashed in forehead that's fresh with them stitches.and when you are ready and strong enough to deal with the trauma it pops up like a computer anti virus alert..
okay..but does sanity and mental state differ with personality?
that's he physical aspect now on too the emotional -i am moody part-to me there's the question of artificial happiness? anti-depressants and other medications to control moods or personality..are you lying to your brain by taking medication,tricking it to think and things a different way and suppressing the person you really are? if you thought a different way would you have made different choices and gone different directions in your life?or would the base of your personality and the way you handle certain situations still be YOU...
how sane are we at the end of the day?
i have never been the most stable person - ask any guy i have dated,my family- i love throwing hairdryers into mirrors and challenging anything and everything. i can also turn very dark in the blink of an eye. but i am also not afraid of admitting it- on the road to recovery..as long as i keep the fire burning in my heart.if you cant handle the heat then get out of my discussions.
what got me on this subject once again was the movie shutter island. fearing of spoiling it for someone i wont go into detail but the big picture falls mearly on how remarkable your mind-your brain can be. at shutting things out and making you believe any story or fantasy you create..one line in the movie "trauma comes from the Greek word wound" made me sit up like an excited puppy spotting a piece of fancy new leather.
so if you are traumatized- you are wounded?so this is the way your mind copes-by closing it in a file and healing the open wound, much like a smashed in forehead that's fresh with them stitches.and when you are ready and strong enough to deal with the trauma it pops up like a computer anti virus alert..
okay..but does sanity and mental state differ with personality?
that's he physical aspect now on too the emotional -i am moody part-to me there's the question of artificial happiness? anti-depressants and other medications to control moods or personality..are you lying to your brain by taking medication,tricking it to think and things a different way and suppressing the person you really are? if you thought a different way would you have made different choices and gone different directions in your life?or would the base of your personality and the way you handle certain situations still be YOU...
how sane are we at the end of the day?
Monday, October 4, 2010
it's in the tunes.
listening to some music after yet another tormenting day in Turkey. when people start slamming doors in my face because i leave my soap on the floor in the mother fucking shower. that grates my carrot. grow a pair and grow up. now get out of my face you curly head idiot.
back too my music epiphany before i went ranting . have you realised how a certain song can take you back to an exact feeling,time and space? for example if i ever hear the macarena or hush -hush by the pussy cat dolls i will ran away screaming and probably spend the next 20 years in a asylum not yet invented for the intensely disturbed. its like when you were a kid and at some stage you ate too much of something and spend the night looking down the white porcelain pony. NEVER-AGAIN..
music takes you to a movie like walking down the street with your ipod or whatever futuristic looking thing in your ears making you partially deaf before 30. as i sit here reflecting on some life changing songs all the memories come back. no i am not crying tosser.
when i listen to crunch granola sweet - Good lord will always remember the waterfront theatre school, show class and how we use too laugh and get psyched for the show.
the movie in my mind from miss Saigon was the first song i ever sang out loud in front of someone and that person happened to change my life and he is still a big part of my life till this day and always will be - mister Jeremy quickfall. all the swearing paid off.
aking- the dance- on wich i had my first car accident that changed my life forever.it was the most horrific night of my life but i learned a valuble lesson.
die heuwels playing in Sadie as i drove pine (Andre) back to cape town after dropping lilac at the airport it was probably not the best time telling him about all my car episodes no wonder he was so quiet and his hands white from gripping the seat belt the whole way. that day i could remember the sense of belonging i had.
then there is the Oasis song wonderwall, i had the great privilege of seeing this bad perform and it was also the first time i met Liam and got to know Rudi a little better. i was instantly drawn to both of them(one more than the other) that turned out yes well..i made two beautiful friends..
then there was dancing in a bedroom by candle light on TV on the radio- family tree..or singing lion king - i just cant wait to be king 4 in the morning in my white daihutsu. just because we can.
but then it can also take you too a place that you want to escape. in an instant when you let your guard down it creeps in without making a sound and hangs you by the ankles.
it stings none the less.
when the family drove their separate ways after another African holiday the 4x4's fresh with the African dirt and still smelling of the lion we saw the day before,my aunt started, playing "time to say Goodbye" by Andrea bocelli and Sarah brightman over the portable radios..we all teared up saying we will see each other soon. but what hurts the most is that ,that was the last time our family was complete and not torn apart, it was the last tim ewe were all together.it was the last time we experienced the African sunsets or hearing the cry yelping of a jakkals being chased by a cheetah past you..
blah blah blah..
my point is there are so many break up songs, never get over you songs,songs of appreciation,understanding songs of hope in the compartments of your brain..Local. international.dronk liedtjies,langs die pad liedtjies..
my dad and my aunt have this thing when the wine has been flowing (pienk wyn because we are classy like that) they get out the Edith Piaf, the willy nelson,the Golden oldies and play the van Zyl quiz game. who is this artist?when- where-how?interesting doesn't make sense facts. and it has become a family tradition with me falling asleep to Uriah heap or old Jethro sometimes. and this is a tradition that i will carry on through generations . this is what memories are made of. music is life.
back too my music epiphany before i went ranting . have you realised how a certain song can take you back to an exact feeling,time and space? for example if i ever hear the macarena or hush -hush by the pussy cat dolls i will ran away screaming and probably spend the next 20 years in a asylum not yet invented for the intensely disturbed. its like when you were a kid and at some stage you ate too much of something and spend the night looking down the white porcelain pony. NEVER-AGAIN..
music takes you to a movie like walking down the street with your ipod or whatever futuristic looking thing in your ears making you partially deaf before 30. as i sit here reflecting on some life changing songs all the memories come back. no i am not crying tosser.
when i listen to crunch granola sweet - Good lord will always remember the waterfront theatre school, show class and how we use too laugh and get psyched for the show.
the movie in my mind from miss Saigon was the first song i ever sang out loud in front of someone and that person happened to change my life and he is still a big part of my life till this day and always will be - mister Jeremy quickfall. all the swearing paid off.
aking- the dance- on wich i had my first car accident that changed my life forever.it was the most horrific night of my life but i learned a valuble lesson.
die heuwels playing in Sadie as i drove pine (Andre) back to cape town after dropping lilac at the airport it was probably not the best time telling him about all my car episodes no wonder he was so quiet and his hands white from gripping the seat belt the whole way. that day i could remember the sense of belonging i had.
then there is the Oasis song wonderwall, i had the great privilege of seeing this bad perform and it was also the first time i met Liam and got to know Rudi a little better. i was instantly drawn to both of them(one more than the other) that turned out yes well..i made two beautiful friends..
then there was dancing in a bedroom by candle light on TV on the radio- family tree..or singing lion king - i just cant wait to be king 4 in the morning in my white daihutsu. just because we can.
but then it can also take you too a place that you want to escape. in an instant when you let your guard down it creeps in without making a sound and hangs you by the ankles.
it stings none the less.
when the family drove their separate ways after another African holiday the 4x4's fresh with the African dirt and still smelling of the lion we saw the day before,my aunt started, playing "time to say Goodbye" by Andrea bocelli and Sarah brightman over the portable radios..we all teared up saying we will see each other soon. but what hurts the most is that ,that was the last time our family was complete and not torn apart, it was the last tim ewe were all together.it was the last time we experienced the African sunsets or hearing the cry yelping of a jakkals being chased by a cheetah past you..
blah blah blah..
my point is there are so many break up songs, never get over you songs,songs of appreciation,understanding songs of hope in the compartments of your brain..Local. international.dronk liedtjies,langs die pad liedtjies..
my dad and my aunt have this thing when the wine has been flowing (pienk wyn because we are classy like that) they get out the Edith Piaf, the willy nelson,the Golden oldies and play the van Zyl quiz game. who is this artist?when- where-how?interesting doesn't make sense facts. and it has become a family tradition with me falling asleep to Uriah heap or old Jethro sometimes. and this is a tradition that i will carry on through generations . this is what memories are made of. music is life.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Anthony, i'll walk you home anyday.*
I was immensely out of my dress excited when i heard that kings of Leon was bringing out a new album in October.so i hit the torrent site's and got meself a "to go please"...
I have always been a big fan since i first heard the bucket at a house party in klipkers and proceeded to buy all their albums after that. my second car accident happened while i was listening to sex on fire from only by night. but since last album mentioned came out many people said their music has changed and now they are more pop than special,and has lost their hard teeth grinding edge.but my argument remains till this day that if you are a n artist you must grow and hence the fact that as you grow your music will change, you will still have the essence of who you are and the rhythms will still be recognisable yours, but is it not the mission of a musician to climb the ladder too the top and make it their bitch?
i have not deserted them as Caleb's voice always leaves me with a tingle deep in my bones and many have been putting them down since the sex on fire show and little teenagers running around in bobby socks saying "i love kings of Leon,they are the best new band! while twirling their hair". um honey do you know they have 4 albums before this one. wake the fuck up and be your own person.yes, that also made me angry but cheese on rice if you are famous and you make kick ass music you cant help if people make ridiculous remixes of your songs or just happened to try and follow the in crowd of the week.
so it was with a hint of nerves and a pack of Marlboro that i proceeded to put my headphones on and listen to the new album- come around sundown- and i was pleasantly surprised ,recorded in New York city it has a edge that i have never heard in them before adding a violin to back down south in their intro .no money reminds me off their first album youth & young manhood with a little bit of red morning light somewhere. i fell in love with pyro with lyrics such as "all the black inside me is slowly seeping from the bones" ..but then again their is also the kak tracks like Mary that reeks of seventeen ..nee dankie se die gansie.
The lyrics are true and they sing of their eyes swelling up and being emotional, I'll throw my pantie at them any day..but not just that -bottom line is they have stuck it out for 5 albums so far.say what you want they make damn good music, maybe I'm over loyal or maybe I'm just blinded by their intense good looks but the the only way is up so: sluk, maak jou oe toe en daar gaan jy... and too be honest i love these boys and i love their music so i don't give a bugger what you think.
amen.
*for those of you who don't know Caleb's full name is ANTHONY CALEB FOLLOWILL
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