mister hat and coffee..

it 's strange how some people will stay with you for the rest of your life-the impression they made was inevitably there to either haunt you, leave you scratching your brain or smiling.


last night as i was lying in bed i thought of one such a person that i had the non privilege of meeting in my life. Satan had to come form somewhere and this lady might just be his mother. with her anorexic , sarcastic coffee diet she was one of the most miserable people i have ever met. there are so many things that i could have said to this woman- except when i swore at her on stage. you just learn how to switch yourself off. something i could never do but remarkably taught myself

.Satan's mother came and went.

then there was mister hat. somewhere along the way mister hat fell in the Jordan and drowned himself in a can fruit bottle.the cracks were there .it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth- bitter sweet?would my life have been better without mister hat?

then you meet someone briefly and never forget them.

there are people that i could not imagine not meeting. sensitive boy. klipkerskind.bikeboy.they all have their own paths and lives now. married or soon to be,in a different time zone or just working damn hard...and when you think back many of these moments and situations made you who you are today.or not. your choice.

meet someone today with an open mind. love them or leave them. but acknowledge them first. mag jy net die mooi onthou.

vyftig randtjies vir jou

starting a new job is absolutely terrifying. especially when you are starting on the radio. i have never ever done a radio show, although i can talk circles around you while you stand and stare vacantly praying that Jesus must save you..i walked into an amazing team, that helped me with every button ,every google and phone call. i have fallen in love with Afrikaans music all over again and made real grown up friends. without all of them alas the lord giveth..although getting up every morning at 5 is a little bit of a drag, it is getting easier. ja sure. remember your blue jeans and David bowie..reading the weather and talking about carpet burns on international radio is fast becoming too easy.

"nee, pappa ,nee" will never have the same meaning to me ever again. and writing my own dictionary is fast becoming a potent reality.it is a pleasure .

vat jou vyftig randtjies en gaan koop vir jou ietsie moois.

you live to crutch another day.

so i have not been here for a while .


i went running on a ordinary Monday afternoon and fell over my own two feet down a nicely tarred road . downhill. and tore my ankle ligaments. just a regular Nash thing to do to get my injury in for the year.it could have been much worse. if you know me you wont even notice the crutches, unless your a guy and it affects you, but he played his role well picked up and said time to go, it doesn't rain but it pours. this is my fifth time on crutches so i am basically like a circus pony on them. I'm over the cursing of the universe and all that, i just silently fall into this sticky mess of sadness. but at a certain point i get so irritated with either the crutches, the plate i just dropped or myself. so its also understandable that everyone watches me with forks and lashings ready.

but today i was brave and outstanding in my choices. i decided to throw the crutches and dance. now remember i tore these bubblegum delights two weeks ago and that is about as much sitting on my ass time as i can handle. but i never refuse to believe. be save and loose your chance. push a little and a new story begins with your courage. i got out of bed this morning with my blue little friend and i danced my heart out for 4 hours. and if your a Doctor or a physio you should have not even started reading this- because i am not normal, my feet will never take me on normal journeys, my mouth will always speak the truth,my knees will always have healing scabs and my legs tell the stories of where i will never go again.


I may sometimes be weaving thin to the core and throw myself face first into these cluster fucks. but I'm not a Budweiser and bowling kind of in the -middle -of- nothing -girl,if you take the time to get to know what I'm all about and how many roads i will follow you down,the story and weight of your timeless efforts will be your reward.

and i will be damned if I'm too afraid of breaking along the way.

so yes, i am in absolute agony , but with a ear to ear smile. me and my blue companion are shouting at each other, but eventually the painkillers will drown it out. and i will still be smiling.
and maybe later i 'll challenge you to a dance off on die Heuwels Fantasties. you ain't seen the crutching dubstep hidden ankle yet.

here 's looking at you kid.

I have always admired the light behind a child's eyes. the pure joy of small things and the careless falling all over. the attitude of ' i don't like you" and the balls to throw a tantrum if things ain't going their way.

today i will be careless.

i will be free.

i will not beg you to love or even like me.

i will walk around bare foot.

i will love being here. and just being.me.

i will give you the benefit of the doubt.

i will love you , even if you care to ignore me.

i will eat cake and make up my face with jelly tots and cream.

i will cry when i am sad, real tears. real loud.

sometimes the beauty is in the end - when everything comes together. and there is romance all around you if you choose to see it and not be afraid.

lights off.

sometimes you wish you could just climb out of your skin and try to understand some choices being made or answers given. or that i had a shower that transforms into a time machine so i could smack myself for ever having this up surd idea.


you think you see how amazing someone is at first and then you realize you just had something in your eye. you mend your heart to have it broken again. my message in a bottle comes in liquid form nowadays. sometimes in life the search for order falsifies.your world can be undermined, taken apart and reduced to absolute anarchy. but then magically you can reintegrate it into something more than the some of its meagre parts. you realize and understand that its just the way that that person feels. and you force yourself to become reserved where necessary and collected when confronted. and flying on a wing and a prayer is a no-go-zone anymore. reality sets in once more.get yourself up, snort some zoloft and have a fag. NEXT!




"You knock on her door
She don’t recognise your voice no more
So she got on an aeroplane
Na na na na na so long after
Strip down from the fever
Laid down in a hotel bed
Wouldn’t take no phone calls at all
Didn’t want no more voices in her head

And that’s the way that you feel
And that’s the way that you feel
And that’s the way that you feel honey know
That’s the way that you feel

In the blue part of the evening
Sometimes its hard
She thinks she hears you coming
But she’s stuck against the wall
Oh she wants what she wants
So she do what she do
But now she looks at you
She covers one eye 'cause she can see into your mind
She no longer want to

And that’s the way that you feel
And that’s the way that you feel
And that’s the way that you feel honey know
That’s the way that you feel"
the kills.

nostalgia to remember.the last five years

the bellville house

my heart

one of my best friends

clara anna fontein

with you it 's better than mainstay

hello kykhie.

ogies en ninnies

i love this man

did we just win throphy's?

grandparents

first performance at aandklas

bruno

nera bonito

college madness

turkey teabag on eye

buena vista birthday 19th

oppi koppi 2009

new york

oppi koppi 2009

van zyl team

never without the wings 21st

first car crash

verlore liefde

boskind
three muskateers

dare to be diffrent.

"I was feeling sad
Can't help looking back
Highways flew by
Run, run, run away
No sense of time
Want you to stay
Want keep you inside"

cheese on toast it's that time of the mind again. where you grab fever by the the ears and down it with a glass of cold milk. destiny - it's not a matter of chance , it 's a matter of choice- so its up to all the choices you make. at the end of the day you made/make these choices because you believe in them.
i might not have money to buy a can of coke, but i can live without it - yes, i just went there and blew that bitch straight out of the bag. and when i strip myself down to my utter core of beingness, i will still be who i am- lessons learned, heart broken and eating dust a few times. but i wouldn't want it any other way.im not someone 's slogan- i am poetry.

February is national- boost -your -self -esteem month. no jokes. so you there with the pretty blues eyes and the heart dragging from your sleeve. yes, you. ek like jou soos jy is.celebrate who you are.do what you love. tell him how you feel and believe that you will make it. be brave this year. do something you never thought you would- because you do have it in you. take the train.stop leaving messages on an answering machine. and drive a powder blue bakkie because you can.you inspire more people than you realize. stop doing normal.because you are exceptional.

seek so you can be amazed, and dare so you can understand.