love devine.

I have had the privilege in my life to meet many a strange character. Some of them became friends and stayed on this path with me through storms and troubles and some took the first exit out. It is not everyday that you find someone with a sense of humor ,the nerves and patience that can handle me but that is just what happened.

Two mountain bikers.A beautiful blue eyed boy and a Romanian with a heart of gold came into my life a view months ago and since then we have been inseparable . with countless laughs,swearwords and cigarettes between us we have made memories that Will last me a lifetime. The first time i met bobo he was sitting behind me asking me why do all dancers have tan lines? I responded sarcastically that we knit sweaters in the sun and then proceeded to call him “little bo-peep” he did NOT like that very much. Luki i saw for the first time hiding underneath his cap with his long curly locks falling out from the sides. The first time we spoke was due to the reason that he has visited cape town before and i happened to see this in his passport. (me being inquisitive nash ofcourse). Little did i know while blabbing on too fast he could not understand a word i was saying. No wonder he just stood there with a smile nodding. Luki i must say your English has improved immensely..


thank you for being my family when i had none here and for all your love and friendship and for letting me burst into your room whenever i feel like it..”do you have a lighter” or “hi there”
The three musketeers.
Thank you for taking the time to begin to understand me,excepting me and even reminding me when too take medication or go and eat, for helping me anywhere possible from cigarettes to holding me when i cried, for the swims luki and bobo for teaching me how too put my feelings into words and never really actually getting out,for all the precious moments you gave to me.

I hate having to say goodbye and i have never been good at it. as bobo is leaving the 18Th of September and after that it will be me and luki. Good because i can only handle one goodbye at a time.
Here it didn’t matter what kind of music you listen too or how you dressed it was about who you are inside . and to the two of you i wish you well and we will see us soon DA.?. This is not goodbye just a “see you later”.you will always and forever be in my heart.

“What is this ja, amana.....?”

This blog is dedicated to Lukas Muller and Bogdan Cacovean.

asunsets and sundowns..goodbyes are the hardest.

"so take the still frames and photographs in your mind"

" i would rather be hated for what i am , than loved for what i am not"
andre Gide,author-

it has been a rough month with migrains and flu , seeing the wolves umongst the sheep.being attacked for what and who i am..but none the less i keep on learning and experiencing new things not just about myself but about being human.there were times when i wanted to explode or be someone else . and nights where my bed felt cold and the little child inside of me wished home was just a block away so i could hop up out of bed and demand to the friend im sleeping over at that it's about that homesick time now so ciao and be out the door.


it feels like there is constantly someone hiding in my mind trying to sabotage what i have been working so hard for . trying to please everyone and always put their needs above mine. and maybe this trip has made me realize just that. that i am also important and that i can stand on my own two feet and that there are no instinct like that of the heart.and that i dont always have to take someones words too heart and fall to peices.

so yes i am young and a student at most things , i am loud, i am compatible yet unpredictable,exspressive and not afraid to tell you when you have wronged me. but i also make mistakes and pick myself up .and sometimes i open the wrong doors and windows in my heart for a little sunshine to get in and with it slips through the "destroyers" (i call them the "destroyers, yes i am reffering too people , because they walk all over the good things in life and are set on pulling people down with them) .

but it is only when you have walked through it's shadows, outlines and doubts and broke your heart with it's intensity that you can begin to understand the path that was chosen for you.
when the wind howls through the empty rooms of your heart and the third person in your mind starts too throw out ideas ,you can hush them, because you have been there and you are moving forward.the only way by moving forward is saying goodbye and accepting. so accept your shortcomings with open arms, it makes you interesting and one day someone will love you for that.

and if this lesson is the only thing i take back with me ,not money, not a tan or the joy of being a better dancer. then so be it. it is one of the best lesson there is to be learned.



Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
Green day- good riddance

hush my love..

Hush my love now don’t you cry
Everything will be all right
Close your eyes and drift in dream Rest in peaceful sleep

If there’s one thing I hope I showed you
Hope I showed you Just give love to all

Oh my love…in my arms tight Every day you give me life As I drift off to your world Will rest in peaceful sleep
I know there’s one thing that you showed me
That you showed me
Just give love to all Let’s give love to all
Creed- lullaby

it's been a while..

It's been a while Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while Since I first saw you
It's been a while since i could stand on my own two feet again and it's been a while since i could call you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem the consequences that I've rendered I've stretched myself beyond my means
It's been a while since i could say that i wasn't addicted and It's been a while Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been a while Since I've gone and fucked things up just like i always do
It's been a while ...
Why must i feel this way? just make this go away just one more peaceful day
Its been awhile Since I could look at myself straight and it's been a while since i said i'm sorry
It's been a while Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
It's been a while Since I could hold my head up high and it's been a while since i said

i'm sorry .
Staind- it's been a while.
funny how someone else's thoughts starts a new day and beginning for you.

maniere sit in die boom

one thing i have learned about these Turks are that they are exceptionally rude. and for some reason very sour.housekeeping especially. i was sitting on my bed having a fag when a Turkish woman with a white and yellow uniform slammed open my door and started shouting at me in Turkish. well if this is the game we are playing i might as well shout back in Afrikaans.

whenever they start speaking to me in Turkish i rant off in Afrikaans. dis mos nou so mense. and so the housekeeping entertainer war started. with us walking all over their sheets and them not cleaning properly. so guess what mom i know now how to clean a house (or room ) and fold my clothes nicely...booya.
oh yes and you remember that nice white towel . yes.that is sticky cola all over it.

natisha -1 housekeeping-0

a turkish picnic

it has been a long disastrous week. Monday starting off with me and my dance partner falling flat on our asses in front of a whole crowd. and it was only the second number . we had too get through a whole show together. no ,i was not happy and yes ,i was cussing him through my teeth. but he did previously apologise in his Russian accent after. so all is forgiven. then we had a children's show where i was dressed in a luminous green and yellow penguin suit - yes- playing a "curious penguin" do you know how much water you loose in such a suit when it is 28 degrees at night? and the week ended off with me almost scuffing a broom up a Turkish doos's ass. he told me too shut up. and as you know i do not respond well too people who hush me inappropriately.

my legs are still the same and not healing properly.

so this day off was much needed.after a long bus ride we arrived at a picnic spot in Alanya. and it absolutely took my breath away. idyllic.it was in the mountains with streams and waterfalls.

i was not brave enough though too get into the water , if i want cold water i will go swim in cape town. but all in all the day was a good one . filled with reading, eating and normalness for a change. the days are starting to get long and the nights very lonely.but i calm myself with memories of Africa and what is waiting for me back home. a new job ,a new life too start, a new dream. the song inside my heart can make dreams come true and i will be singing that song "uit volle bors" once again soon.
so i leave you with this..
we don't know where we were before we came too this world . we don't know where we will go once we leave it. some say we'll grow wise if we contemplate this mystery. perhaps though we will just go crazy. forced with the inexplicable how can any of our actions have a purpose? does it matter if we do what we want? give up whenever we want? but it does matter. when we respect eachoter and show compassion and sensitivity we become kind and wise. and that gives our lives meaning.